In Memoriam

As a practicing nature assassin, I try not to get too emotionally involved with my targets. However, I feel it is only fair that I commemorate some of those houseplants that put up bold struggles before hitting the landfill. To the friends and families of these specimens I offer my condolences... believe me when I say that I am trying to quit. I just can't help that I'm good at what I do.

The following plants were excommunicated, and hopefully are living well with their new craigslist families.

Variety and Sin:
Philodendron "Xanadu" - scale insects
Ficus elastica - scale insects
Dracaena Warneckii - extreme deliciousness towards felines
Cycas revoluta - too angsty

Crassula Ovata - too vain

Successful Assassinations of 2008:

Variety and Cause of Death
Hedera helix variegata - spider mites
Rosemarinus officinalus - suicide
Ficus microcarpa "Green Island" - cat attack

Successful Assassinations of 2009 (so far):

Asplenium nidus "Osaka" - fungus gnats
Arachnoides simplicior - thirst
Chamaedorea elegans - cat attack
Neprolepsis exaltata "Suzi Wong" - root rot
Cupressus macrocarpa "Wilma" - shame

Congratulations to my Norfolk Island Pine, who is now the longest surviving member of the team! Keep up the good work, Araucaria heterophylla, and you just might be spared from next week's scheduled abusive overfertilizing!

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