In Memoriam

As a practicing nature assassin, I try not to get too emotionally involved with my targets. However, I feel it is only fair that I commemorate some of those houseplants that put up bold struggles before hitting the landfill. To the friends and families of these specimens I offer my condolences... believe me when I say that I am trying to quit. I just can't help that I'm good at what I do.

The following plants were excommunicated, and hopefully are living well with their new craigslist families.

Variety and Sin:

Philodendron "Xanadu" - scale insects

Ficus elastica - scale insects

Dracaena Warneckii - extreme deliciousness towards felines

Cycas revoluta - too angsty

Crassula Ovata - too vain

Successful Assassinations of 2008:

Variety and Cause of Death

Hedera helix variegata - spider mites

Rosemarinus officinalus - suicide

Ficus microcarpa "Green Island" - cat attack

RIP

Successful Assassinations of 2009 (so far):

Asplenium nidus "Osaka" - fungus gnats

Arachnoides simplicior - thirst

Chamaedorea elegans - cat attack

Neprolepsis exaltata "Suzi Wong" - root rot

Cupressus macrocarpa "Wilma" - shame

Congratulations to my Norfolk Island Pine, who is now the longest surviving member of the team! Keep up the good work, Araucaria heterophylla, and you just might be spared from next week's scheduled abusive overfertilizing!