Well, I've added another minion to my crew. This fearsome beast is Remy LeBeau... six months, and five pounds, of pure destruction. Like any baby, he eats several times a day, wakes me up in the night crying, and constantly wants to be held. Unlike a baby, he is agile, lightning fast, and really sharp at the corners. He's a fanged, concealed-razor carrying ninja-baby, and my whole apartment is his dojo. The houseplants and stemware have sustained massive losses. Needless to say, I think it's cute.
You learn well, young grasshopper.
Felines, I have found, have a natural affinity to plant murder... or just murder in general, I guess. Also, being independent and low-maitenance means that they themselves are resistant to accidental assassination. You don't see any puppies or parakeets around here. Evil scientists don't have the necessary skills to keep most pets alive. Flying monkeys? Yes. Goldfish? No.
Speaking of lack of nurturance, my other henchman (henchwoman, actually) is less-than-thrilled with our new acquisition.
Now that she's laid the smackdown on him a few times, they're getting along really well. He understands... she's alpha minion, he's beta. She's Bellatrix Lestrange, he's... I don't know, Fenrir Greyback or somebody.
Anyway, look what he did to this Calliandra, and the Monstera beside it. I'll never put the vacuum away again. Not even in kindergarten, and he's already defoliating at a third-grade level! I'm so proud.