BRING OUT YER DEAD

So, this is my latest casualty list, Scottish-style. I guess I'm feeling a little gaelic. Like the black plague sweeping through the highlands in the 1300s and 1600s, I have swept through my indoor garden, leaving death in my wake. Seriously, look at how long this list is.


Abutilon striatum 'Thompsonii' - Ah fergot to water et!

Alocasia infermalis 'Kapit' - Ah fergot to water that, too!

Araucaria heterophylla

Adantium pedantum - good riddance, ye misbegotten bastard of a fern!

Breynia nirvosa 'nana' - poor wee little bonsai.

Citrus x meyeri (Meyer lemon) seedlings

Citrus hystrix (Makrut lime) - It's DEED, DEED and a doornail.

Codiaeum 'Picasso's Paintbrush' - AHM STILL GLAD YER DEED, YE NEEP-HEIDED 

ARSEFACE!

Coprosma noid, possibly 'Evening Glow'

Grevillea robusta

Juncus spiralis 'Variegata'

Mandevilla splendens - To hell with ye, ye great barmy vine.

Nematanthus wettsteinii 'Variegated'

Neoregelia 'Kimberly'

Nephrolepis exaltata 'Emina'

Passiflora noid

Podocarpus 'Bird's Tongue'

Sansevieria rorida - Ah'll never ferget you. Ah'll play a doleful tune, on me pipes, o'er yer grave.

Sedum spp. cuttings - FECK YOU, APHIDS

Tillandsia (various)

Yucca elephantipes

Now, keep in mind that this group has been accumulating for several months. It's not as though one weekend I just went on a massive killing spree. And I did manage to re-home several other plants on craigslist before they contracted a fatal case of kitten, otherwise this list would be longer. But you have to admit, it's still a pretty impressive death toll. I'm that monster in the scary story that plants tell their plantlets, to keep them in line. Hopefully some experiential knowledge was gained from all this, hopefully these failures have taught me more about success.

Hopefully.

Euphorbia Yum Yums

Being in need of flowers and a project, I thought I'd try my hand at oversummering cyclamen tubers. Unfortunately, when I went out in search of a specimen/victim, none of the cyclamens I encountered really called out to me. I was looking for something small, simple, and pretty, and all I could find were giant fluffy freaks that were all bedazzled to hell. And yet, on my way out the door.... 

Euphorbia pulcherrima NOID, a.k.a. poinsettia

What?! Dude, I don't even like poinsettias. At least, I thought I didn't. But something about this particular coloration was just so goddamn festive. I looked at it, and suddenly I was tasting candycanes and hearing Bing Crosby music and feeling all warm-towards-humanity and stuff. It called to me. And as I was arguing with myself about dropping hard-earned kizzash on some disposable holiday bullshit, a counter-argument surfaced. It is possible... kind of... to oversummer poinsettias. And if there's one thing I enjoy, it's an irritating botanical project with little chance of success. So, I was sold.

Out the door I went, with a big stupid Christmasy smile on my face. And then suddenly...

Day-yumn! Look at that awesomeness. It's Euphorbia trigona 'Red,' my poinsettia's nasty cousin from down south. Euphoriba trigona can get pretty big, and the idea that I could eventually have a giant RED one in my apartment made me quite pleased. 

It does have this weird little blister on one of the stalks. I don't know what that is... I'm half expecting a small, phallic baby alien to burst out of there. More likely is it will rupture and just become scar, which would be no biggie. We'll see.

So that's all for now. Coming soon, I kill a bunch of plants, and brew some Kombucha. And possibly die from drinking homemade Kombucha. I guess if the posts stop altogether, you'll know why. Send someone over to water my plants.

Parting Gift: I try to base my plant-shopping etiquette on this clip. Robbed from the film "The Room," which was robbed of the Oscar for Best Picture.