I know I yam! Get it? Yams? Oh man, the seasonal hilarity!
It's time to bust out the traditional paraphernalia! Me, I decided to buy a houseplant that had some nice fall color: Codiaeum 'Picasso's Paintbrush,' aka Croton. Flaming orange, red, and yellow leaves... how could I resist? I don't have a picture, because it started to go downhill the minute I got out my credit card. Let me just tell you, I have never disliked a plant so venemously; finally I just stopped watering and let it die. And I enjoyed every minute of that. Of course, I wrote a letter...
Dear Codiaeum 'Picasso's Paintbrush;'
You are a piece of crap, from the bottom up. From your inbred, genetically-inherited sissyness to your low-quality growers soil, you have been nothing but a disappointment. I'm glad you're dead. I'm going to hire a voodoo priest to raise you up, just so I can kill you again. Then, I hope Russell Edgington gets you, and then Voldemort, and then a Rancor, and then a Terminator. And I mean a T-1000, not some fluffy Arnold Terminator. Ugh, you disgust me!
You broke my heart. I curse each one of your offspring to live in a novelty pot covered with puppies and inspirational messages about grandchildren, with an aquaglobe on top. Here is your eulogy song.
Sincerely,
Nature Assassin
Well rampant hostility aside, Happy Fall Everybody!! Coming soon... kitten pictures!
