I know I yam! Get it? Yams? Oh man, the seasonal hilarity!
It's time to bust out the traditional paraphernalia! Me, I decided to buy a houseplant that had some nice fall color: Codiaeum 'Picasso's Paintbrush,' aka Croton. Flaming orange, red, and yellow leaves... how could I resist? I don't have a picture, because it started to go downhill the minute I got out my credit card. Let me just tell you, I have never disliked a plant so venemously; finally I just stopped watering and let it die. And I enjoyed every minute of that. Of course, I wrote a letter...
Dear Codiaeum 'Picasso's Paintbrush;'
You are a piece of crap, from the bottom up. From your inbred, genetically-inherited sissyness to your low-quality growers soil, you have been nothing but a disappointment. I'm glad you're dead. I'm going to hire a voodoo priest to raise you up, just so I can kill you again. Then, I hope Russell Edgington gets you, and then Voldemort, and then a Rancor, and then a Terminator. And I mean a T-1000, not some fluffy Arnold Terminator. Ugh, you disgust me!
You broke my heart. I curse each one of your offspring to live in a novelty pot covered with puppies and inspirational messages about grandchildren, with an aquaglobe on top. Here is your eulogy song.
Sincerely,
Nature Assassin
Well rampant hostility aside, Happy Fall Everybody!! Coming soon... kitten pictures!
I don't have any experience with 'Picasso's Paintbrush' specifically, having sworn all crotons off forever, but that sounds about right for the ones I had before the swearing-off. Some declined faster, some declined slower, but they all eventually turned to crap.
ReplyDeleteI had a croton named Trevor - he had curly leaves and used to play with my hair when I sat in the porch where he lived.
ReplyDeleteHe died. I don't know if it was too much water, not enough water, too much sun, not enough sun, too hot, too cold or potentially too much of the product I use in my hair.
Maybe the molecular structure of the air that day wasn't quite right - whatever. The pretty colours and curly leaves were not worth the heartache. I shall not get another!
How can vendors sell this, without at least a warning label? These things are the self-terminating; the i-pods of the greenhouse world.
ReplyDelete